


The Battle of the Mancave (part 2) aka Fire & Ice

by nosefIower



Series: The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman Farm Season 1 [4]
Category: Dawn of the Croods (Cartoon), The Croods (Movies), The Croods: A New Age (Movies)
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Issues, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Humor, Pack Family, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Series, Sitcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosefIower/pseuds/nosefIower
Summary: The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman FarmSeason 1Episode 4: The Battle of the Mancave (part 2) aka Fire & IceContinuing their feud about separate caves, the Bettermans plot to make a truce which backfires and Dawn hatches a plan to get her parents back together
Relationships: Belt/Sash (The Croods), Eep/Guy (The Croods), Grug/Ugga (The Croods), Hope/Phil (The Croods), Ms.Betterman/Mr.Betterman (The Croods), Phil/Grug (The Croods), Phil/mancave (The Croods), Thunk/window (The Croods), banana bros (The Croods), thunder sisters (The Croods) - Relationship
Series: The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman Farm Season 1 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094084
Comments: 16
Kudos: 33





	The Battle of the Mancave (part 2) aka Fire & Ice

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy this installment of the Misadventures of the Betterman Farm - finally we've thrown ourselves back in the crossfire of the Betterman's feud! - please don't follow in their footsteps and fight fire with fire...or in this case ice ;) enjoy~

“It’s cold,” Ugga said, shivering in the spider wolf cave which Hope had decided upon as the location of their Thunder Sister cave.

“Well, it could use some improvements,” Hope had said when she had first decided upon the location, “but this is where we all became sisters so this is where our cave should be,” she had said glancing around the cave again. The wolf spiders had moved out leaving the ice cave empty. The contents of which was only an icy floor, an icy webbed hole that had been the home of the wolf spiders, and an occasional ice tree that would spring up from the ground at the most uninviting of times or whenever-

“Ah for f-” Hope had begun apparently inviting an ice tree from the ground

“…sake!” she had finished, “it could use a lot of improvements,” but then she had grinned, “I know just the way to make this place better,”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“New and improved!” Phil announced in the mancave with Guy and Grug, “what do you say Gruggers?”

“It’s still hot,” Grug answered

“Not about the heat,” Phil said dramatically, “about our new sauna,” he said gesturing to the latest addition to the mancave, “I figured out a way to make the rainwater flow down here, fall onto those heated rocks, and build a small wooden rooms around to keep all the heat in,” he paused proudly admiring his creation, “what do you think bro? Pretty impressive?” he said rhetorically as if complimenting himself

“Isn’t this counterintuitive?” Guy asked seated in a position that reflected his obvious boredom, 

“What’s a counter?” Grug asked

“What's an intuitive?” Thunk asked after him. Phil had persuaded Thunk to join the banana bros after all, mostly just by saying he could bring the travel window into the mancave

“It’s already hot,” Guy said as dryly as he could given the humidity, “the sauna,” he paused for dramatic effect, “makes it...hotter,”

“He has a point, bro,” Grug tried to say gently, “what if-”

“Nonsense,” Phil shrugged off coming between Guy and Grug and putting a sweaty but reassuring arm around both of them, “you two just need to learn to-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Chill out,” Hope said proudly bestowing the new cave features to her fellow Thunder sisters

“Woah, mom, this is amazing,” Dawn said as she hopped off Chunky 

“Ooh la la,” Sash cooed in agreement around Dawn’s waist

“Look at all this,” Eep said also in awe, “what’s that misty thing in the corner?”

“Oh that?” Hope said looking back, “it’s a hot tub,”

“Hot tub?” Ugga questioned, 

“Mhmm,” Hope nodded, “turns out there’s some hot springs under this cave, I just brought them to the surface, plus I learned how to harvest the power of those ice trees that explode into exist to make a heating system so we can stay here as long as we want without any frostbite issues,” she chirped

"You've done good ice lady!" Gran said ripping off her clothes 

"Oh, and for that," Hope said almost as if expecting if, "we can put all our uhh...pelts and clothes here" she said motioning to a group of icicles sticking out horizontally from the wall, "very intuitive design don't you think?" She said patting it 

"Alright!" Dawn yelled ripping off her clothes like Gran and throwing them on the icicle hanger. Hope watched a bit shocked at how quickly her daughter was taking after the queen matriarch

"That's my girl!" Gran chuckled at the little bettergirl 

"Come on Eep!" Dawn said grabbing Eep's hand, barely giving the cavegirl enough time to toss her tiger skins aside, and ran towards the thermal hot tub as Sandy chased after them in the excitement

"Oh but that's not all," Hope said, "we also have a steam room, ice bath, and ventilation,” she said proudly and then as if remembering a few minor details added, “oh, and an ice chandelier," motioning to the cave ceiling, “and some sculptures,” motioning to the new carvings all along the walls of the cave that told the story of the Thunder Sisters including Gran stories and how the sisters had saved the men from the Spiny Mandrilla “ I had some free time," she added as a side note

"Its amazing Hope," Ugga said putting a hand on her fellow thunder sister shoulder and giving her a little nod of reassurance

"Really?" She asked shyly, "thank you..."  


"Come on moms!" Dawn called out and the two women threw their pelt and linens on the hanger and ran to the hot tub with the other sisters 

Gran floated lazily on her back, "We were frozen solid last time," she said recalling when Hope would drag them to the ice cave just to sit and pass two hours by so that the women - mainly Hope - could explain their absence to Phil by saying they were in the Thunder Sister cave, "This is so much better,” 

"That's it!" Hope said as if an idea had just come to her

"What is?" Gran asked 

"A way to humble Phil about his dumb a-" an ice tree exploded into existence, "manvave," she finished 

The other sisters just glanced at the ice tree and then back at Hope

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now, gentlemen," Phil said sinking deeper into his chair in the mancave, "we need to figure out a way to find the Thunder Sister cave,” Guy and Grug groaned as the modern man continued his speal, “ I know, I - Phil Betterman, am a master of geography,” he said raising a coconut shell bowl of shark milk as if to give a toast to himself, “but, these women seem to have...gone...off map!” he finished sharply

"Ooooh," Thunk said staring through his travel window, "a mystery show,"

"Isn't it better if you two dropped the fight?" Guy interjected knowing full well the feud with Ms. Betterman was the fire driving Phil

"That's it!" Phil beamed, "Why Guy! I think you've figured it out,"

"I have?" he asked suspicious 

"Why yes!" Phil reassured in his egotistic manner, “we make a truce with the women! They give us the location of the Thunder Sister cave and... in exchange we give them all exclusive access to the man cave, quite a brilliant plan, I thought of it myself...plus," he said smacking his lips, "it'll give them a chance to realize which cave is truly the better cave," he huffed proudly clearly believing the sweat dripping off his back was the virtue of his cave

"Then, one more thing," Guy said fully knowing there was no reason to try to talk Mr.Betterman out of his logic, "are the banana skirts really necessary?" he said pointing to his waist as all the men, Thunk, and even Belt and Douglas were dressed in them

"Why yes! it's an initiation, a symbol of the brotherhood, we have to welcome our newest member, Thunk" Phil stated

"This is so good Mr.Betterdad," Thunk said with Douglas in his lap pulling off a banana peel and sharing it amongst the both of them 

"Ookay…” the betterdad said through his teeth, “maybe next time we can do without the skirts" 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The men happened to be in the fields as the women arrived back to the farm

"We have a proposition," Hope announced 

"We do, as well" Phil replied in a manner attempting to sound strategic

"Why are you all in banana skirts?" Eep asked flatly reaching for Guy’s waist and pulling him in at the same time that Belt reached from Guy’s waist for Sash as Dawn walked closer 

“Hey,” Eep said “you look good in yellow”

“Hey,” Guy said back, “you look good in stripes

"Hey!” Phil huffed “It is a symbol of the brotherhood!"

"And Douglas ran off with our clothes," Thunk added cheerfully popping up from behind Mr.Betterman 

"Ookay," Ms.Betterman said unsure of the situation then caught herself, "the proposition - a truce - we give you the location of the Thunder Sister cave for the use of the mancave,"

"The all exclusive use of the mancave!,” Phil added

“Truce?” Mr. Betterman asked extending his hand

“Truce” Ms.Betterman said suspiciously shaking the hand offered to her

“Fine-” 

“Fine-”

“Deal-!” 

“Deal-!” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Huh," Phil huffed as the men got off Chunky and entered the Thunder sister cave, "this-

"has intuitive counters!" Thunk said cheerfully pointing to the icicle hangers and throwing his banana skirt unto it

“Uhhh…not quite the right usage-” Phil began to point out

"So much better," Guy murmured excitedly without thinking, "it's not too hot and not too-" he stopped for a moment as Phil glared at him "cold," he finished straining on the last word 

"Better?" Phil said raising an eyebrow at Guy 

"Ah - not what I meant," Guy sputtered trying to back track on his words, "it’s just that certain things in this cave are…” and then he gave up on his attempt to be gentle, “oh, come on Phil! I was suffocating in that man cave - look! Ms. Betterman even added vents, this place has a cooling system!” he finished flailing his hands in every which way direction

“These inventions!” Phil said putting a fist to the air as if scolding the sky, “That woman really make my-” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Blood boil!” Hope screamed upon entering the mancave, “who does he think he is with this heating system,” she said looking up at the heated rocks along the walls where rain water fell and vaporized back to mist, “what a counterintuitive design!”

“I think it’s nice…” Dawn tried to say as gently as possible and the other women nodded ever so slightly preferring the heat even ever more so slightly than their ice cave

“It even has these showers,” Dawn started, 

“with flowers…?” Eep said a bit in disdain

“And soft rain?” Ugga finished taking a closer look at the shower’s water source

“Oh you’ve really done it,” Gran whispered

“That man!” Hope growled, “truly is-”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Cold blooded!” Phil howled (very much like a wolf-spider if I do say so myself) “What are these sculptures?! And this chandelier?! And - oh!” he said taking a deep breath and focusing on the carvings on the wall, “...is that me in a...banana suit!” he fumed 

“Guy,” Grug called looking at the portrait of the three men in bananas, “does this banana suit make me look fat?”

“No big guy,” Guy said patting his cavedad’s shoulder, “it’s all muscle,”

“Thanks,” Grug said blushing slightly

Phil continued staring unable to recover from the portrait, “What a f-” an ice tree exploded from the ground

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hot head!” Hope shouted, examining the green tea bath in the mancave, “so this is where all my dried bitter leaves went!”

“Glad he got rid of that,” Eep muttered, she never took to liking either bitter beans or its counterparts”

“Right on girl,” Gran agreed

“Well, I suppose I’ll just have to make an energizing bitter bean bath back at the icecave and if he asks me where his precious beans are I’ll just give him the-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Cold shoulder!” Thunk yelped with his bare feet on the ice, “ah! I think the frost is biting me!”

“Here,” Guy said sitting Thunk down and putting a type of footwear on him, “looks like Ms.Betterman made these sauna slippers…” as soon as the words came out he tried not to glance at the fuming Phil

“Sauna slippers! They don’t even have a sauna!” the modern lunatic shouted in a panic

“Phil-!” Guy harped on the rare occasion of actually using Mr.Betterman’s first name, “Don’t you think you’re getting too fired up about this? It’s just an ice cave...with a few better accommodations...”

“What’s this?” Grug asked as if on cue to poor timing, the men looked at what appeared to be a pile of circular webbing next to one of the baths, 

“I think it’s...spider wolf web wraps,” Guy answered

“like seaweed wraps,” Thunk said as he peered at them through his travel window. The men all stared at him for a moment, “I saw it on the garden channel,” referring to when he would learn from Ms. Betterman in the fields

“you know,” Guy continued putting a reassuring hand on his little cave brother’s shoulder, “ their webbing is supposed to give you firmer skin-” Phil glared at Guy “...and a youthful glow,” Guy finished biting his lips

“We can make banana peel wraps, bro!” Grug tried to reassure and Phil was too worked up to realize this was Grug’s second good idea right after bronana shark milk

“That woman really has me-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Heated!” Hope shouted inspecting the structure of the new and improved sauna

“Mom,” Dawn tried, “maybe you could take it down...a little?”

“Take what down?” the modern woman asked

“Take it down...low?” Dawn suggested

And just as Dawn said that Hope and all the women saw the last new installation of the mancave. Sandy had gotten to it first and was sniffing its contents

“Is that-?” Gran started

“Shark milk!” Hope hissed sharply

“You know, I’ve heard shark milk baths are good for baby smooth skin,” Dawn tried to offer

“Oh, he’s really done it this time,” Hope said coldly, “that man needs to-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Cool off!” Guy shouted finally taking a stance within the feud at his wit’s end with Phil’s bickering

“I don’t need to cool off!” Phil proclaimed, “this is all Ms.Betterman’s fault, she really is-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hot-blooded, Dawn step in front of her mother, “That is enough!” she roared

“Who knew that kind of voice could come from a small girl,” Ugga muttered

“I always knew she had it in her,” Gran said and Wigasus gave a little shriek of agreement

“Me too,” Eep said fist bumping Gran

Dawn began her attempt to quell the situation, “I need you,” she said focused on her mother, “ and dad to do me a solid and stop being so-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ice cold towards each other” Guy went on 

“You think I’m being cold?” Phil huffed as his breath crystallized, “that woman is-”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Burning me out,” Dawn continued, “you and dad need a cease fire!” she pleaded, “didn’t you two make a truce?!

“Ha!” Hope laugh shooing the idea off, “we had no-

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

formal agreement!” Phil finished

And with that, both the pack in the icecave and the mancave were dragged out by their leaders and made their way back to the treehouse

The two packs found each other in the kitchen

“Intuitive counters!” Thunk shouted excitedly seeing Ms.Betterman’s new handcrafted shelves she was just installing

“That-” Mr.Betterman began sharply, “...is actually the correct usage,” he stroked his chin for a moment pondering the young cave boy’s intellect, “but nevermind that,” he shrugged off

“You-!” he said glaring at Ms.Betterman

The room could have frozen over with how the feuding couple looked at each other, each turning red about to erupt

“You-” she said returning an icy glare

“The rest of you!” Dawn shouted grabbing everyone else in the pack right before her parents could lash out at each other from an audible distance

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright that’s it!" Dawn yelled slamming her foot down

“Hey, who turned off the light?” Thunk asked

“Hey, where even are we?” Grug asked in returned 

Dawn smacked a bulbfrog and the room began to glow a light red

“Ribbit” the bulbfrog croaked in protest

“This,” Dawn began, “This is the panic cubby-”

“Woah, how’d we all fit in here,” Thunk asked gazing around

“This is the panic cubby 2.0” Dawn corrected, “new and improved,”

The whole gang looked around the room that had been made from a larger hollowed out tree compared to the first panic cubby, it had table, a chair, scraps of dried writing leaves with scribbles all over them tossed around the space, and the hollowed tree had grooves in its bark that looked like-

“Intuitive counters!” Thunk exclaimed

“Exactly!” Dawn said huddling the gang together, “it’s time for operation, get-Dawn’s-parents-back-together”

“Dun dun dun?” Sash cooed

“Precisely, Sash” Dawn answered back, “with the power of persuasion and suggestion,”

“Oh la la,” the sloth remarked

“Eep and Guy,” Dawn began looking at the couple, “I need you two to show extra affection whenever you’re around my parents these days, I’m talking more hey-ing, more kissing, and more butter babble brooking,”

“Hey-!” Grug began to protest

“Make them remember what it was like to be in the honeymoon stage,” Dawn continued

“Were they ever in a honeymoon stage?” Gran muttered

“We can do that,” Eep smirked

“You can count on us Dawn,” Guy agreed

“Thunk-!” Dawn now turned her attention towards the caveboy, “I’m gonna need you to watch my parents through the window, I need extra surveillance on their interactions if this plan is going to work,” the modern girl smirked, “ I need your expert bird watching skills,”

“I’m on it!” The caveboy said enthusiastically holding his travel window up

“Grug-!” now Dawn turned her attention towards the caveman, “I’m going to need you to spend less time with my dad these days,”

“But, we were going to make bronana muffins tomorrow,” Grug began to whine

“Get it together big guy!” Dawn yelled in a way that shocked the caveman he winced

“I always knew she had fierceness in her,” Eep whispered to Guy

“You should’ve seen her when we were kids,” Guy said back

“You two can make all the bronana recipes you want once my parents are back on speaking terms, until then I need him to miss mom being his baking buddy! Plus, that means you can spend more time with cavemom,”

“Okay…” Grug said with slumped shoulders

“Chin up big guy,” Ugga encouraged lifting his chin with her hand, “that means we can plan what Guy calls a date,”

“Yeaahhh,” Grug said slowly coming to his senses and wrapping an arm around Ugga’s waist

“Ugga, I’ll need you to-” Dawn began

“Spend less time with Hope, got it” the cavewoman confirmed

“Actually...no, I need you to spend more time with mom,” Dawn stated

“More time?” Ugga asked

“Yes, more time” Dawn grinned, “If we give mom too much time on her own she’ll realize she’s better off without dad,”

All the women in the cubby nodded a mutual nod of understanding between them

“Is there something I’m missing here?” Grug asked

“Moving on,” Dawn chirped, “Sash and Belt,” she said looking around for the sloths that were no longer around her waist or Guy’s waist, “Sash and Belt?...Sash and Belt?!”

“Boop”

The gang turned around at the sound of a purr-like ‘boop’ to find Belt being held upside down in Sash’s long arms

“Boop-” Sash cooed poking Belt’s nose

“Boop-” he purred back 

“Boop-” she cooed again

“Oh la la,” Belt said back, blushing

Dawn huffed walking over to them and picked up the two sloths bringing them back into the planning-circle

“I need for you to watch over my parents, Sash- be my mom’s sash for the day, give her advice, you know, girl talk,”

“Ooh la la,” Sash winked in agreement

“And Belt, spend the day with dad, you know, keep his pants up,”

“He was always so good at that,” Guy squeaked becoming emotional all of a sudden at how his sloth companion was now all grown up

Eep patted the emotional boyhog

Belt saluted Dawn to show his approval of the mission

“And lastly, Gran and Sandy” Dawn said turning to the queen matriarch and the youngest matriarch of the pack, “Sandy- stand guard with Chunky to make sure mom doesn’t try to sneak back to that ice cave and Gran...try not to remind mom too much about when you were young and there were no clothes...or men…” she trailed off and the women once again nodded in understanding

“Okay, I really feel like I’m missing something here,” Grug said confused 

“Well,” Dawn clapped her hands together in conclusion, “Phase 1 of get-Dawn’s-parents-back-together starts tomorrow!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The chicken seal crowed to indicate the start of a new day

“Goodmorning Ms.Betterman,” Eep said waking Hope in her hut

“Ah-! Goodmorning Eep…?” Hope said a bit confused

“Care for a morning stroll?” Eep suggested

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Goodmorning Mr.Betterman,” Guy said awaking Phil

“Ah-! Goodmorning Guy!” Phil exclaimed being suddenly awoken in his hut

“Fresh bitter bean juice?” Guy asked handing Phil a coconut bowl

“Why, thank you,” Phil said sipping it

“And how about a morning stroll,” Guy persuaded the modern man  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why Ms.Betterman!” Guy exclaimed, seeing Eep and Hope from the opposite side of the rope bridge

“Why Mr.Betterman!” Eep played back in their little charade, “whatever are you doing at this particular rope bridge-”

“At this particular moment,” Guy continued as the two couples walked towards each other 

“in time?!” Eep and Guy finished together

“Uhhhh...a morning stroll?” the Bettermans questioned in unison

“Morning stroll!” Eep and Guy chimed together

“Well, we wouldn’t want to be third and four wheels” Guy said taking Eep’s hand and slowly backing away

Suddenly, the Betterman’s were pulled together by the sloths around their waists which Guy and Eep had placed on them without them noticing

“Genius,” Eep and Guy whispered in unison

“Oh, and the sloths said they wanted to spend the day with you!” Eep called out as her and Guy backed away farther

“Oh!” Ms.Betterman exclaimed as Sash and Belt held onto each other, the two Bettermans blushed as they slowly unlatched the sloths and separated their waists

“You...always looked good in pink,” Mr.Betterman mustered while rubbing the back of his neck nervously referring to how Sash had wrapped herself enticingly around Hope’s waist

“And you…” Ms.Betterman began  
The gang leaned in closer watching the Betterman conversation though the window with anticipation

“...always needed to find new ways to keep your pants up,” she mocked referring to how Belt had wrapped himself over the rope used to tie Phil’s trousers, she huffed and walked away

“Ughhh” the pack groaned in unison leaning back in the window seat,

“Don’t worry gang,” Dawn assured, “this is just phase one,”

“These shows always leave us on a cliffhanger!” Thunk whined as the birds started coming on screen

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you have any story suggestion feel free to leave them in the comments ! :) ~ always love to hear from y'all ~


End file.
